Friday, February 02, 2007

Basic Instinct 2

Michael Caton-Jones | 2006 | 114 min | US

Okay, no one can possibly be surprised that this sucks, but the gravity with which this sucks is truly remarkable. This is a movie in which the writers (and i think even the actors) are still under the impression that saying 'fuck' in virtually every sentence passes for edginess. In the year 2006. I hope Sharon Stone got paid per every time she said 'cum' because that would be the only reasonable excuse for her dialogue.

The plot is so ridiculous from the very opening scene that it doesn't bear repeating. Needless to say, every turn in this is nonsense. Every character acts like a complete moron + Stone never wipes the grin off her face. She acts the shit out of that grin. We, the humble voyeur, are lead to believe that all the action derives from the fact that everyone - EVERY SINGLE PERSON - in this movie is so blown away by the raw Sex Power of Stone's Catherine Tramell that they cannot concentrate on anything but the dream of getting into her giant dumpster of a box. When we do get thrown a few pity sex scenes they are predictably the sickest business around. The only payoff in this one comes in the form of several recitations from Tramell's novels. These novels are so mind blowingly poorly written that they are embarrassing to witness even in the context of simultaneously watching several film careers end.

The rumour prior to this film's release was that David Cronenberg was lobbying hard to get the shot to direct this sequel. He was denied because it was feared his version would be too bizarre. That was the first in a line of at least one thousand poor decisions made by the powers that be in regard to this film, the final one being the decision to ever let this thing see anything but the bottom of an abandoned mine shaft.

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